Lindsay Lohan Failed Random Drug Test For, Presumably, Randomly Testing Drugs

September 21, 2010 |  by  |  Entertainment
(6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

A bench warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan after she tested positive for drugs.

Again? Really?

Officials are for some reason still treating this train wreck who hasn’t made a good film since 2004 like she’s Hollywood royalty, though, and didn’t immediately arrest her and throw her in the clink. Beverly Hills judge Eldon Fox is waiting until at least Friday to decide whether America’s Worst Role Model actually violated her probation. Um, where did this judge go to Judge School? I’m no lawyer, but I think that, yes, if you are on probation for excessive drug use and then test positive for said drugs, you indeed violated your probation. Is Judge Fox a secret Mean Girls fan or something?

Lohan admitted on her Twitter feed that she failed the test. “Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result,” she wrote. “This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences.” Under the terms of her sentence, if she misses a test or gets a positive result, she would face 30 days in jail (via LA Times).

In an effort to stay relevant on blogs and covers of cheap magazines, post-jail Lohan is undergoing intense therapy and counseling. Also, she must take random drug tests twice a week. Maybe she thinks that she actually is required to TEST RANDOM DRUGS twice a week.

Lohan told Vanity Fair that her jail stint taught her that she needed to stop surrounding herself with people who lure her into trouble. “So many people around me would say they cared for the wrong reasons.”

In Lilo’s defense, Momma and Daddy Lohan won’t be winning any parental awards anytime soon. It’s clear that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And why isn’t this a reality show yet? Lilo really needs to start banking on her douchbaggery, lest she might not have the fundage to support her ridiculous lifestyle when she gets too old to pose nude for weird European magazines.


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  1. she really needs to get it together

  2. Honestly, I have seen less problematic people on “Intervention.”

    The ONLY way she cleans up is if the judge FINALLY throws the freakin’ book at her. Put in her in jail FOR SERIOUS for 6 months. Then see if she screws up again.

    She’s just going to get another slap on the wrist.. ugh.

  3. I met her once – at the premiere of The Parent Trap, when she was 11 years old. I was in line behind her and her dress zipper was halfway unzipped and I tapped her shoulder to let her know and she whipped around like I had just yanked her hair. She was kind of bitch. Her mom, though, was worse. Super entitled. Oh, if I only knew what a train wreck shed become I would have gotten a picture.

  4. Did you at least get some drugs off her?

  5. What happened to that sorrowfull text just last week about how hard she’s trying to be clean? Oh wait. I forgot her publicist runs her Twitter. Nevermind.

  6. And Sarah, cool story!

  7. Thanks! No, no drugs – just cookies. she was still young and mostly innocent – but boy did she know she was famous.

  8. Pot cookies, perhaps? LOL

  9. Let’s tweet and ask her for her best pot cookie recipe!

  10. C’mon guys, she’s trying her hardest! How would you be doing if you had absolutely no resources available to help you and no one gave you a second chance?!?!?!?!?!

  11. True, thank your for keeping us grounded, George. Lindsay is not as fortunate as the rest of us.

  12. Seems like attention is off Lindsay… for a while at least: Paris Hilton detained in Tokyo because of cocaine charge

  13. Don’t worry – she’ll do something fabulously stupid tomorrow so we can keep talking about her.

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