There are some things that I just cannot believe are true. Like, that a Blue whale’s tongue weighs more than an elephant or that the stunning Sophia Loren is 75 years old and is still way hotter than I’ll ever be. But this truly takes the cake.
Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is publishing a novel.
Take a minute to let that sink in.
If you haven’t thrown up all over your computer screen, then feel free to read on. Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to puke again in a minute.
The pint-sized and possibly illiterate reality star is set to publish a novel this January and sadly, the respectable Simon & Schuster’s Gallery Press imprint is set to unleash this monstrosity out into the world.
Oh darn! It’ll just miss Christmas. Now what will I buy the people in my life who I don’t like very much?
The obviously ghostwritten novel, titled A Shore Thing, will trace the plight of “a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore),” said the press release. Gag me with a bottle of hair gel.
Remember when I said you’d have a chance to lose your lunch again? Well, here it is:
According to Publisher’s Weekly: It’s worth noting, too, that Polizzi told Cathy Horyn in the New York Times that she had only read two books in her life, Twilight and Dear John. As to the quality of Polizzi’s novel, one can’t be certain, but one thing’s for shore–it’ll sell a lot of copies.
I’m sure it will be a hit and only lead to more crap getting the green light to further turn our once-glorious and well-read society into a teeming batch of morons. Thanks, MTV!