9 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

November 24, 2010 |  by  |  Entertainment
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

‘Tis the season to make awkward speeches in front of loved ones you only see once a year. Don’t try to impress them with your witty repartee, steal a funny quote from a famous comedian!

Check out these 9 funny Thanksgiving quotes:

Jon Stewart: “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

Jim Gaffigan: “Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?’

Stephen Colbert: “Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.”

Kevin James: “Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.”

Jack Handey: “If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars!’”

Jay Leno: “You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”

Johnny Carson: “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”

George Carlin: “We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.”

Greg Proops: Ever since you’re little you hear this: ‘The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.’ But even when you’re little you’re like, ‘Umm.. Bullsh*t?’”

 

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2 Comments


  1. Magnificent site. A lot of useful info here. I’m sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you on your effort!

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