March Madness for Dummies

March 17, 2011 |  by  |  Sports
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Sorry boys, we don’t really know what the fuss is all about. We try and keep up, but it’s almost harder than pretending to care about 64 college basketball teams. Why so many? It’s exhausting!

March Madness is a month long marathon and if you don’t have your running shoes on, you are going to be left in the dust. Luckily, someone out there cares enough to help March Madness dummies understand just what the heck is going on.

Keep reading for more March Madness for dummies… after the jump!

I won’t even try to preface this list because I don’t know what I’m talking about… luckily The 2010 Idiot’s Guide to the NCAA Basketball Tournament does, and it just came out with a revised edition to help everyone understand the lingo, the terms, and all the buzz words used by all those college basketball freaks.

AUTOMATIC BID Used in Bridge when East opens with three no-trump, or higher—West is forced to respond. Not to be confused with an AT-LARGE BID where West is not required to respond, when East opens with less than three no-trump. Has little to do with NCAA tournament except for rumor that NCAA adopted bracket designations (East and West) from Bridge. Also used to describe offer made for car that doesn’t have a manual transmission.

BRACKETOLOGY A course offered at technical schools where students are taught the fine points of constructing shelves.

BRACKET BUSTER One who kicks or breaks shelves during NCAA tournament, when his or her team loses close game.

BUZZER BEATER One who pulls out wiring of door bell, out of anger or frustration, during NCAA tournament when his or her team loses close game.

CRUNCH TIME Used to refer to fourth quarters of close games when announcers remind fans they may be tired and should reach for Nestle’s Crunch Bars to replace lost nervous energy. “It’s Crunch Time.”

FIELD OF 64 Recently found long-lost Beatles’ track. Mixture of “Strawberry Fields,” and “When I’m Sixty-Four.” Will be played periodically during timeouts of this year’s tournament.

FINAL FOUR Name that Beatles wanted to go by after Pete Best, the original drummer, was replaced by Ringo. Manager Brian Epstein convinced group to keep using the name “Beatles.”

GOING TO THE DANCE Used when teams change from standard flex and motion offenses to the intricate dance offense. They are “GOING TO THE DANCE. “

LIVE TO PLAY ANOTHER DAY Common phrase used by parents whose children interrupted them when watching NCAA tournament. Parents would say “do you want to LIVE TO PLAY ANOTHER DAY ?” Term died out some when it became illegal for parents to use excessive physical force on children.

MARCH MADNESS Mood disorder affecting women from March, lasting until mid-April. Symptoms include feelings of abandonment, depression, and anger. Many women complain of trying to initiate conversation with significant other and being told, “quiet, the game is in overtime.”

MID MAJOR New major field of study one realizes they must change to when physics becomes too difficult. Usually occurs in middle of second semester when students watch too many NCAA tournament games and have trouble concentrating on studies.

NO. 1 SEED Highly effective kernel used for growing flowers, grass, and plants.

ON THE BUBBLE originally “On the Bubbly.” Used to describe fans, whose teams make early exit from NCAA tournament, and pick up alcoholic beverages such as champagne. He or she is said to be “ON THE BUBBLE.”

RPI ( RATINGS PER CENTAGE INDEX) Not to be confused with Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute located in Troy, N.Y., or “Rest in Peace.” Term used to confuse fans when pollsters rate teams without watching games.

Uh… there you have it. Good luck trying to understand your husbands and boyfriends!!


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